There are so many things they don’t tell you about the realities of having a baby. Like how you wake up the next day, and suddenly you have no clue who you are anymore. Nothing is the same as it was before you went into labor. Suddenly you’re living for someone else, your hormones are raging, your body is rapidly changing to meet the needs of someone else, and you are just stuck in a shell that you use to recognize but now you no longer know. The truth is, no one can relate to what you’re going through, not your partner, not your friends, not anyone. This is a single-person journey and it can either make you or break you … this is postpartum.
I’ve always been a confident girl, even as a plus size woman. So going into having a baby, I wasn’t too worried about gaining weight or having a different appearance than before. I’d dealt with body image issues my entire life, so I thought I would be able to manage my new mom body. But this hit different. The difference was, really not knowing yourself anymore. Having to relearn every single things about you. After having my children (this happened both times), suddenly everything I knew, wasn’t. I woke up jiggly, uncomfortable, and not myself. I had a new body odor, my deodorant stopped working, my skin pigmentation changed, I was extremely dry, brittle, and that beautiful pregnancy glow went out of the window. For the first time in my life I felt ugly, and not confident.
With Brave I struggled with this for months. It was hard for me to dive into content because I didn’t want to lie about my truth. So instead I just scaled back until I found my way. With Crown, I didn’t allow myself to get to that level. I learned to give myself grace. Instead of being angry that I wasn’t the same, I’ve learned to embrace it because I AM NOT the same. I’m better. I’m a mom of two beautiful babies and my body worked damn hard to get them here! So I must embrace the changes I have gone through and choose to look at is as empowering instead of embarrassing. I’ve learned to love the journey of self-discovery. For years I thought I had it all figured out, but motherhood knocked me right back down to reality so that I can do the much-needed work on myself and continue to learn more about who I am.
So to the mother, struggling to find herself in the midst of postpartum, you’re not alone. There are so many of us out there who are in your same shoes. My hope is that we all talk about it more and more so that we can make it as common as all the beautiful things about motherhood.