As a natural born people pleaser I’ve always struggled with NO. Taking care of everyone before myself came easy for me, and it was at a huge cost to my sanity.
The year before I got married I found myself lost, as if I was living my life on other folk’s terms. I was accepting clients, not because I wanted to, but because they desperately needed me. I was showing up for people because I cared for them more than they cared for themselves and I was always putting myself and my needs last.
It wasn’t until I hit rock bottom and no one was in my corner (aside from my-then fiancé) that I learned –I gave too much of myself away and left nothing for me.
In that instant I vowed to never let that happen again. I’ve been consciously making strides towards taking care of myself first so that I can be my best for the people that matter most.
A few way I do this is by:
- Checking in with myself and my husband before I commit to anything. In the past I would just jump at any opportunity that came my way, which was not a good thing. I’d sign up for hanging with friends, or going on a random trip, taking on new clients without thinking twice. That landed me stretched thin and exhausted. So now I evaluate if I can add it to my plate without overcommitting.
- Prioritizing relationships. I’ve learned to observe the relationships that I have with the people in my life and I only make time for those relationships that I feel are valuable. Those friends that only check in when they need something, take a back seat. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love them, that just means that they don’t deserve my best.
- Realizing when I’m at capacity. Learning to say no is not a bad thing. I’ve broken down my “no” moments to simply mean, I can’t do it because I won’t be able to deliver my best which isn’t fair to either of us. If saying no means you won’t be stretched thin, stressed, or lacking then it’s a beneficial win for both parties.
I hope this helps someone as much as it helped me. Dress is by Lilly’s Kloset (Sold out – but similar style HERE)